Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
