I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
