Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize