Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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