So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
