the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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