there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
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New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'