Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
