but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
