I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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