if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
