Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am available for nakedness
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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