Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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