literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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