True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
