please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
