I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
