Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
