so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
