he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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