Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize