What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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