i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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