I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
