Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
