I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize