so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
