I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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