Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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