and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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