You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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