she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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