dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
