Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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