jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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