Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
