Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
