i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
