you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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