I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
