im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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