He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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