I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
