i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
