He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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