She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect