U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.