So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me