tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.