sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'