what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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