I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"