dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.