There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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