I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
