went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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