P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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