I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
