Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
