mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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