you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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