I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
