i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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