Plan B is the new Plan A
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
