Swine flu. Run for my life!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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