It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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