I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
