in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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