twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
