what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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