So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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