I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize