You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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