a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
