I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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