Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
