The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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